The need for approval is often great, but being comfortable in who you are and what you do – regardless of what others think – can be wonderfully liberating

ILLUSTRATIONS: VANESSA LOVEGROVE

Freedom comes in many guises – free speech, free will, free to choose, free to leave. Many are often taken for granted until threatened by governments or eroded by personal circumstance. Some, however, are almost wilfully subverted. Chief among those is the freedom not to be liked. Marmite might be strong enough to take the flak whether it’s loved or loathed but the same can’t be said for most humans.

To a great extent, this isn’t so surprising. As a species, the need for social connection is hardwired into our brains and it’s a common and mostly healthy response to value relationships and be interested in what others think of you. It goes back a long way, as clinical psychologist Jill Stoddard explains: ‘Our need for approval is evolutionary. Unlike other species, early humans didn’t have fangs, claws, or run at high speed. Instead, they had each other. Those who hunted, gathered and travelled together had a survival advantage… Humans evolved to check and care about their standing in the group. This is why we compare ourselves to others and want to be liked.’