I once had a young Nepalese client who came to see me on a recommendation from his friend. “He said you are very nice, and that is important because this can be hard,” he told me. It is a compliment that has stayed with me long past the meaningless ones I often receive on my appearance (I always say you’ll sleep with someone once just because they’re hot, but it’s personality that brings people back for subsequent bookings), and has made me think about the environment that I create with each client, and the skill it takes to make them feel safe.
On the way to a booking last night, I thought about my own safety—the fact I could be killed, and how little I could do to stop that happening if someone wanted to do it. I think this every time I see a new client outside of a brothel (my fear is much less acute when working in-house, mainly because of the other girls and staff who are on shift). I pushed the fear down, knowing it wasn’t the sharp jab of intuition, which all sex workers learn to listen to and will usually get from the very first text or instant with a man. Instead, it was just a philosophical pondering on the dangers of my job, a job which demands that I am alone with a physical threat (something straight women also experience in dating). I pushed the fear down because I knew that if I went in scared it might set off something in the client. I treat my clients like horses: they are large and easily spooked, and I must approach them with calm and confidence to generate the same response.
I have worked with other women who enter the room with energy and chaos and a contrived, manic horniness, which can work for those who are prepared and able to handle escalation, either because they are physically a lot more powerful or running on uppers. I’m sober and smaller than my clients, so I operate with deescalation in mind, only pushing things along when midway through sex, if I want to hurry up an orgasm.
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